Wednesday, November 19, 2014


Finally done with my first semester of university. These past few months have been a real challenge for me. I was perhaps about 85% sure about my choice of university when I applied and as the weeks went past the percentage just dwindled at an alarming rate. I pretty much reached 8%. I was 8% sure I was in the right place, that is basically saying, I have no idea what I'm doing in ADM. 

I'm sure some people just think I'm ungrateful and selfish for thinking this way. I got a place in university and here I am doubting everything under the sun but those are my honest feelings. I had expectations when I entered ADM. I expected an art school but I got a design school. Nothing is wrong with that, of course. But I wanted an art school. Imagine my complete and utter dismay when they said that ADM is slowly transiting into a design school and it's dropping it's fine art element. All I could think of was, I'm in the wrong place. I look around and my peers are loving school. It was so hard for me to get into it. Sure, I do my assignments and all but ultimately, I kind of despised the whole thing. I'm slowly accepting that I probably chose the wrong school and I should have gone overseas but I'm accepting it. 

There is nothing you can learn that is useless, I suppose. But wow, when I say it was hard for me, it was hard for me. I've learnt a lot of things about myself in these few months. I now know that I'm exceptionally lazy. Hah! What a shocker. But seriously, I'm not lazy in the way that I don't want to do my work but I'm lazy in the way that I do it once and I won't do it again. It's terrible work ethics, I know. But I've realized that I show dedication and only become meticulous about my work when I enjoy it. Out of the countless of assignments that I've submitted, I've only truly put in what I think it my best in two of the assignments. One of which, if you read my blog constantly, you would have seen my post-internet art assignment. I felt like the rest of the assignments I got were a chore, they were tedious and some of them (to me, this is completely subjective) were pointless and ridiculous. It's so hard for me to put in effort in something I don't like. I wish I could just force it but I'm such a nuisance to myself because I can't. 

I think I got a bit anti-social these few months. Ryan was telling me to go out there and live it but all I wanted to do was go back under the sheets and stay there. I hated everything. I embodied grumpy cat, I was the most irritable, unattractive, unhappy person alive. Ah, life is hard when nothing goes your way. It's kind of funny now.

I can literally hear people telling me to suck it up. I am sucking it up. This is me sucking it up and resigning to my fate. I can't choose everything I want to do and I definitely won't get to do everything I want to do but I can work with what I have. This was a personal struggle, one I didn't really voice out because in my head, it sounded very childish. Anyway, in this semester, I've met some really shitty people. They've probably contributed to my dislike for school but I have met very wonderful people as well. The first few weeks of school were excruciating, there was this awful person with a terrible personality, saying and doing horrible things... I just could not deal. This person wins most terrible person I've met in university, congratulations. You know, finding new friends is like playing that shark game where you press the teeth and see if it bites you. Hah! I just made finding friends sound awful. You know what I mean. I'm trying to say, I've found some pretty decent friends and I love them. They made school so much better than it would have been and I've had fun despite not having fun. So... I don't know if you guys will read this but, Su-Lynn and Chia Tong, I love you both. Ya'll are the straw to my berry and the spag to my ghetti. 

Oh yes. I love my roommate too. Amanda, you're the She's the most considerate and sweet night owl ever. Sometimes I irritate her by waking up too early and sleeping too early but she's still super sweet to me. Ah, when I think about it, I actually have very wonderful people around me. I must learn to see more of that and less of shitty people. 

Thank you everyone who didn't run from me when I was a horrible person these few months. 
Shout out to my ldr in Vancouver, Gracia I love you too.

I'm so happy it's all over! 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

week 13

It's week 13 aka. last week of school, also known as hell week. We're in the thick of it. I just officially finished one module. Tomorrow I finish two others with a big presentation and a 40% exam. Friday, I finish another and then the following Monday and Tuesday, two more. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Sketchbook Dump

Now that my sketchbook is turned in and I don't have to do 10 pages a week, I can finally look back and appreciate some of my work. These are a few of my favourite pages in my sketchbook. 

Sunday, November 2, 2014


As we inch closer to the end of semester, everyone catches the 'syndrome'. Basically it's when you feel like you have no purpose in the world, where everything you do sucks, where you feel so stressed you don't feel stressed at all. You get the picture. 

I don't know if I get that exact way but I'm starting to feel the weight of the assignments. At times like these you must do what you must and treat-yo-self. (nod to parks&rec). Whenever I get the chance, I slap on FAB's Ultra Repair Instant Oatmeal Mask. They say to leave it on for 5-10 minutes but I usually leave it on and do my work so you can bet I well exceed 10 minutes. I don't think it matters anyway. The mask helps sooth my face, especially after removing make up and after my face gets red and angry. It brings down the redness and my skin doesn't look as agitated after. Also, it smells like oatmeal and almond milk, in my opinion anyway. I use it at least twice a week and it just makes me feel happy. 

fresh's Sugar Berry Tinted Lip Treatment is always in my bag. I look like the walking dead when I have nothing on my lips. There is a shockingly vast difference with and without something on my lips. It's quite sad but it's probably because of lbp. It takes a lot of exercise out of me to get me to flush as compared to normal people. Sigh, always jealous of people with apple red cheeks. So pretty. Anyway, I digress. The lip treatment feels like a balm, as it should. It's not gross or sticky and it is in a delicious just-had-some-berries kind of colour. Been very into darker berry and plumy shades of late so it is perfect. I'm not one for up-keep and I do prefer stains but this balm pleases me. It can last about 2 hours of daily life but I think eating will butcher it and reapplication will be needed. 

Lastly, the Lorac Pro Palette. 

Pewter. Yes. Garnet. Yes. Deep Purple. Yes. Sable. Yes. Mauve. Yes.

There is nothing more to say other then

Monday, October 27, 2014

26th October 2014

I had a wonderful weekend celebrating Ryan's 21st birthday. After spending almost 48 continuous hours with him it was kind of hard to let him go. Time really flies, it whizzes past and then suddenly we're here. I feel super blessed to be able to celebrate this milestone with him. Ryan has changed a lot from when I first met him and he's grown to be irreplaceable. 

Spent the night at USS (which was amazing btw if you're thinking of going, 1st Nov is still open). They really upped their game this year, 3D Haunted house(MUST GO)(PSYCHEDELIC), epic opening show and actually scary scare zone (Boogeyman and Scary Tales). There was this witch at Scary Tales, she made me scream. Had a really good night at Fairmount. We also caught Fury, which is officially the most stressful movie of 2014. It was too real and too raw and I was on edge the whole movie. I don't think war movies are cool, they make me uncomfortable and sad and renew my passion for world peace. But, Fury is a really good movie. I would recommend. Wish the weekend never had to end, time spent with people you love is never enough.